So tonight our younger co-worker invited us to his house for a casual hangout.
And we were like sure, why not? Knowing ahead of time we were probably going to be the oldest people there.
And also it was like ya know what? We like this guy, he’s our friend and he’s a total dreamboat so whatever. (seriously though when this kid is like.. 25..26.. watch out ladies)
We get there and there’s just his roommate and then two other girls.
& WE WERE SERIOUSLY TRYING SO HARD TO BE NICE TO THESE STUCK UP TWATTY MUTHAFUCKIN TWEEN-SPIRIT BITCHES and they were just straight up exchanging high school glances at each other and I’m assuming texting each other as well just being a bunch of fuckin slunts.
But their pussy asses didn’t dare say a word to us.
UNTIL we’re leaving half way down the stairs and we hear them being like ”OMG flower power, those girls were so stupid! What a bunch of hippies, worst girls I’ve ever met..” etc, etc.
REALLY? 19 yr old Lauren’s crazy ass woulda shanked those bitches
Boss up, ladies.
I got a phone call from an unknown number just now & it went something like this:
Caller: Is this Lauren?
Me: (mouthful of goldfish) Yep.
Caller: This is Jimmy Lee
Me: (still chewing) Who?
Caller: Jimmy Lee
Caller: Well, okay so I don’t know you… but it’s just, we found your phone number in a Bible.. at the.. Treasure Island Casino…?
Me: ……….yeah that makes sense
& when I told those hopeful teens that it “made sense” they were so filled with joy that now I feel better about staying home on a Saturday night eating all the food. Because they think I’m so mysterious & cool but I’m just a fatty on the couch ahahaha